Day 16 and even though today’s challenge is the easiest, it has been the hardest for me. I guess it also came as a wake-up call that I do not take time to breathe and reflect. I am always on the go, and because of that, I think I have missed out on a lot of things without realising.
Rather than write about something I have learnt, I decided to take the other route of something I have given up. I did not realise how much of a big deal it was then but now I understand. I gave up being my own enemy.
One night 3 years ago, I remember sitting in my bed, scrolling through Instagram, at 10 pm with a big Tupperware full of jollof rice. I specifically remember stopping midway and busting into tears. Why was I not like them? I asked my self as I continued looking at the pictures of the beautiful girls who were showing their flat tummies, clear faces and gorgeous smiles. I admit, I was jealous and I realised I was more insecure than I realised. I recollect putting my spoon down and looking at myself in the mirror. My face was riddled with acne, blackheads and my stomach looked like I was about to give birth.
I was disgusted by myself and there was no one else to blame but myself. I tried to comfort myself by blaming it on the 12-hour shifts and not having time to exercise. How was I going to stop eating after work when I finished very late? How was to exercise when I did not have the equipment? I tried to convince myself there was nothing I could do to look better but deep down I knew there was away. I remember eating the last of my food (because you do not waste food in a black household) and began to research what I could eat and at what times. I began to look for activities I. could do that would help me be more active and that I would squeeze into my busy schedule. I GAVE UP FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF AND AN UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE.
I began to take care of my skin and research on the kind of products that were good for me. I dedicated a whole year to using Lush and started having facials. I realise I was being my worst enemy, and even though the Instagram models have enhancements and photoshop, I had to look my best for myself. For me to feel confident in who God made me to be because God wants us to live life abundantly. I realised that my body is a temple of God and should be taken care of and nourished.
I still struggle at times, for example, I have not been to the gym in a while because of unexpected events, but as I am writing this, I am actually itching to go. I do not know if it is genuine or if it is because of the lockdown. However, I no longer eat tubs of rice after 8 pm, I now eat more greens, drink more water and am trying to like more fruits besides watermelons and mango. I have a friend who is a healthy junkie and every time I visit her, she only feeds me greens and smoothie. Even though I visit her for 2 days, she always insists we go to the gym.
I realised to be my best self, I had to believe in who I am and whose I am and that I deserve the best in life, including clear skin and maybe, just maybe abs.