Hello! Happy new month! I hope for those who always set monthly goals, you are already working on them and for those who throw caution to the wind, I see you, I hear and I am with you.
I have promised myself and my blog to at least post a blog each month and I decided to invite you into my personal life and mind. By the look of things, this might end up being a series but will see as times goes. For March, I decided to talk about something that has been on my mind for a very long time. The idea or understanding behind the “strong black woman” narrative has changed over time. Before, a strong black woman would stand up for herself, a hard worker, who faced injustice in the eye and challenged it. She was someone you wanted to be, needed to be.
However, as times changed, the narrative has been manipulated to mean something contrary to what a strong black woman is. The strong black woman with the qualities and principles mentioned above is now the modern-day angry black woman.
Before I get carried away, allow me to tell you what a strong black woman is now, and why I am not worthy to be one. In today’s culture, a strong black woman is a woman who is also classified as wifey material. She is the kind of woman who is a ride or die, she is there for her man even if he philanders. A strong black woman endures everything thrown her way, she does not question or voice her opinion on matters that also concern her. She abides by societies expectations, how she dresses, how she talks, the way she laughs. Its almost as if its a performance. She is the ideal wife to a man who is “a man”. You know, the ones who are never accountable and blame their horrible behaviours on being “men”. She is expected to be Bob the Builder, fixing men and her heart being a couch for them to deal with their mama issues.
She will sacrifice herself, her limb, her soul, every part of herself, for those who would not do the same in return. She is told and praised for staying where the situation does not serve her but serves others. She is the kind of woman “angry black woman” are encouraged to look up to. If you have been a frequent visitor to my blog, you will know I am the complete opposite of this. I voice my opinions, I hate cooking, I leave where the situation no longer serves me, I have a low pain threshold especially emotionally and I cry when I am hurt. I only like men who take accountability and are not intimidated by me. I like to be held and love intimacy. I also complain and get angry either I am on or off my periods.
I am not what you call “wifey material” nor do I aspire to be one. It’s a tired praise used to trap women. It is a manipulative tactic that has been used to satisfy and stroke men’s egos. Which I believe is something they need to work on themselves as much as we work on our low self-esteem. A strong black woman is the definition of a real woman as opposed to an angry black woman. A few years ago I wrote a blog about how all women are real as long as they are breathing.
The fact that nowadays a woman who speaks and stands up for herself is classified as angry is appalling. And making it seem as if women being angry is a bad thing is gaslighting. Anger is an emotion every human experience and is entitled to. Women do not have to explain their anger or outrage to be validated. We are entitled to feel and experience every emotion without being told that is how a woman should or should not behave.
So, let me reintroduce myself…
Hi, my name is Rudo and I am not a strong black woman. I cry, I pout, hate cooking, have a low pain threshold, not strong enough to stay where I am no longer needed, speak up for injustice, repulsed by men who take but never give, I am a work in progress but most importantly, I am a real woman because I am still here and breathing.