Basic Girl

Friends and Support

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”~Proverbs 17 v 17

Friendship is one of the most underestimated relationships. In this era of “cutting off” people and being “your own day one”, it has become quite hard to really have true friends. As we grow up and mature, we end up having different ideologies and beliefs. We all become different people and that is alright. I have friends I have drifted from, not because we fought but that is part of life. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever but make sure you learn something from every single person who crosses your path.

As I began the self-love journey, there was a period where I was at crossroads whether I should let go of my old friends because we now had different mentalities and rarely communicated. My mind was set to just start afresh and get new friends because at times I would text them or write letters but they would make little effort to do the same. I would tell them that it was not fair, I would lash out sometimes and ignore the group chat messages.

I tried so much to let go of them but I could not, so I started praying for them. I began to communicate with them not so they could do the same but to check on them. I became intentional about my friendships, some of them did not reply or they were not interested and I was alright with it because my intentions were now different. I was not communicating or writing them letters so they could reply and I could feel good about myself. I did it because I was convicted to check up on them and talk to them even if it was only hie and bye.

It made it easier to understand that at times it was not because they did not want to talk to me or write back but we are adults now and we are busy individuals. With school, work, placements/internships, stress and all that life throws at us, it can be hard to keep up and keep in touch. With that mentality, it made it easier for me to liaise with them and to keep praying for their wellbeing. I began to truly love them, enjoy their opinions and agree to disagree. I began to make new friends who are just as amazing as my old friends. I began to see friendship as one of the most important relationships, even in courtship and marriage you have to be friends first.1 Corinthians 13 v 4 is what I base EVERY relationship in my life on~even with strangers.

So this Valentine’s Day I dedicate it to my friends and my future friends too who I can not wait to meet, love and learn from. We are all not perfect and never will be but if you can, try and be a friend to someone. As much as we think we are better off alone, we NEED friends, especially Godly friends. Friends who build, encourage and support you in different ways. Most of my friends are not very fond of reading and writing blogs but they support me the best they can even if its not their forte. I am very grateful for them and I know we might/will drift as time goes on BUT in this present moment I choose to embrace, love, support and encourage them the best I can.

I will post some YouTube videos which have helped me too. Hope they do the same.

Quarter Life Crisis.

I love binge watching Ted Talks and inspirational videos on YouTube.One day I came across a very interesting topic about quarter-life crisis. I was not really sure what it was about but after watching it, I realised it is something I go through almost every day. As a millennial (a person reaching young adulthood in the 21st century), but there is a lot of pressure on us. There is this belief that we have to accomplish certain things at a certain time. We have to have a degree at 21, car at 23, the house at 25, married at 27 and kids at a certain age. Society expects us to be somewhere or have something at a certain age, but it is not as realistic as it is presented to us. There is a lot of pressure on us to catch up to the status quo. This results in most of us being stressed and depressed (some without knowing it or realising it). Majority of people understand depression as being paranoid, withdrawn (mood swings) or suicidal (which has claimed so many lives) but it has some of the most unexpected symptoms or signs. For example, sleeping too much or too little, eating too much or too little, not caring about your appearance, not interested in anything, trouble concentrating or being forgetful, fear of failing without trying, losing confidence, feeling numb and a whole lot more. And these are not even the clinical symptoms!

This is something the majority of millennials go through without realising it, including myself. At this age, we are torn between what we want to do or what we were told to do. We are at crossroads on whether to pursue what we are passionate about or what makes us richer and “stable”. We are allowed to dream all of our lives but as soon as we reach around eighteen, we are told to choose more “realistic” career paths. And we are expected to have it all figured out when we are just getting to know and understand ourselves.

Where I come from (Zimbabwe), there is no such thing as depression. Its either you have a bad attitude or you are just a lazy, ungrateful and disrespectful person. When we trying to speak our mind or voice our opinions its classed as being ill-mannered or disobedient. When we feel withdrawn, aloof or numb, it is classed as idle or dull and it actually becomes your label. Most of us can not talk about it because we are accused of pretending, being weak or told to suck it up as an adult. Even when we tell our brothers and sisters in Christ, its deemed as lack of faith or you are not praying enough. I truly believe the quarter-life the crisis is something crucial that we have never really thought about.It needs as much attention as midlife crisis or any other crisis because so many lives are being lost, dreams and passions are fizzled out because what we hope for never really happens the way we expect. The older generation think of it as the rebellious period, at times yes because we are now exposed to the things we have been looking forward to but at times it is a cry for help.

We internalise the stress and we end up bitter, lashing out and paranoid. And we convince ourselves we are not good at anything, for example, most of my life I have always thought I am not talented or gifted in any way. This has pressured me to try and do something that I do not like only because I want to prove to everyone and myself that I might be good at something. Comparison kicks in and there are millennials who have set the bar pretty high and the bar is very hard to reach eg Mark Zuckerberg, Malala Yousafzai and many others. Unemployment rates are high amongst millennials, not because we are lazy but we are expected to have thirty years experience by our twenty-first birthday. Others are even fired for being too young and told to learn to bounce back regardless. There are even those who have ticked all the boxes of society’s status quo, successful, independent, car, private jet-you name it but they still go through the quarter-life crisis. We are not a lazy generation as I heard someone say.”The generation of young people who throw tantrums when they are not given what they want”.We are just misunderstood and it would make a huge difference if the older generations could hear us out and realise we are more than what meets the eye.

So many of us have times when we get stressed and depressed or you know someone who is going through it. Please know you are not the only one but their millions if not billions of us out there. Make sure you have someone to talk to and let us believe and pray that God helps us through it too(as much as we might be told we have little faith or are not praying enough-He is always there regardless and He will never leave you). I will post the links of some Ted Talks videos which have opened my mind to this and I hope it helps you too. Knowing how not a lot of people like reading, I opted for videos on this topic.

Proverbs 3 v 6: in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your path straight.

Getting to know me

I took this picture on the very first time I decided to take myself out. I went to a movie and walked around Oxford City. To be honest I did not really enjoy the “date” because I kept thinking about how people were looking at me walking alone and how I probably looked lonely. To be very honest, it was all in my head. People were busy minding their own business and busy with their own lives. I was alone, yes, but I was not lonely.

I decided to try again, “take myself out”.I did not go with the mentality of worrying about people around me or what people would say if I told them I have “day dates” with myself. I took/take myself out because I realised I deserve it, I deserve the nice things in life and if I can afford it, WHY NOT? I began to feel more comfortable with it and it helped me to get to know myself. I began to discover things about myself I never dreamt of or even thought of. Yes, I know some people pity me and think its a cry for help. TRUST ME, it is not. I enjoy day dates, I make sure I go out once a month where its just me and Jesus. LOL writing it down and saying it to people freaks them out more but it helped me get comfortable with myself.

I enjoy getting to know me and I have realised, i am actually a fun person with very expensive taste. I would recommend it for anyone who is trying to know themselves. I realised that if I learn to love myself unconditionally, I will be able to love others likewise as well.

So here is to more day dates and loving people unconditionally…

All of me.

I could promise you the world;

I would offer you the best things in life;

I should assure you a happily ever after;

But I will offer you my scars;

I will guarantee you my flaws;

I will vow to show you my insecurities;

Because if you are to get the best of me;

You have to embrace all of me.

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I have never been the beautiful girl;

I am that girl who is never asked to twirl;

Thick eyebrows and unmanicured nails ;

Trying to fit in but always fails.

I am the girl who finds it hard to walk in heels;

Laughing with them but deep down they do not know how i feel;

Praying to God each night to be like them;

But that is not who i am;

I wish i had the long hair;

Oh,how I wish i did not care;

But i do and each day is a torment;

And with that i am never content;

I am that girl who never gets the boy;

And if i do,always the toy;

Being blamed afterwards;

Being told i am not up to standard

OH MY god

I love the way my heart skips a beat when you walk through the door;

How I have to catch my breath before you say hello;

I love how your words mould my soul like you are the Potter;

How you reshape my heart like putt in your hands:

You became my god

How I kept and believed each word from your mouth like commandments;

I freely gave my body to you as I believed it was your temple;

I miss your hugs,your hands,your passion..

But I do not miss your dysfunctional functioning;

Walking on eggshells not to arouse your anger;

Repenting daily only to sacrifice my heart;

You became my god;