This is my own personal experience, it does not apply to everyone but if it helps that will be pretty awesome.
I started praying for my future husband when I was 17 years old. Then I was oblivious as to what it really meant to pray for your husband as I only focused on the physical attributes~tall, nice smile and “buffy” body. I thought that was all it took, at that age, I never really thought that I had to pray for a Godly man. It never registered in my mind that, praying for my future husband’s spirit man, health and friendships.
It was until around the time I turned 20 years I began to intentionally pray for him but I had to heal from my past first. I thought healing from my past relationships would be as easy as deciding not to think about them and convince myself that I had forgiven my exes and I was fine. So I DECIDED I was cool, I would pray for a Godly man, patient, loving, leader, provider, understanding and all of that. I enjoyed praying for him and would ask God to protect him in the now and for him to know he was loved etc. Funny but not so funny thing about it is was, when I was praying God would convict me to pray for my exes. At first, I thought maybe I was just subconsciously reminiscing or the devil was tampering with my future(which he loves to do by the way) so I ignored it. However the more I ignored it, the more God convicted me to pray for them. He would randomly drop one of their names whilst I was praying. I began thinking maybe I was still clinging on to them or still had feelings for them but actually it was because I had not completely forgiven them.
It was after I acknowledged and admitted that I had not fully forgiven them and that I was broken, angry and hurt~I began to truly heal. Praying for them became easier and I prayed from the heart but I never contacted them. I learnt that when you forgive, you don’t necessarily need to keep in touch. It pushed me harder to pray for my future husband but this time around with purpose and passion. I began to see praying for my future husband as war-not against my exes or anyone physical but the devil. He is at work lying to us that love only hurts, stealing our joy and hope of courting God’s way and killing our faith by only presenting broken homes and unhealthy relationships to have us believe that love, happiness and commitment do not exist.
As I was going through that process, the Holy Spirit then convicted me to write letters to my future husband. I began to write every month (from June 2016, even though sometimes I forget or become too busy), each time I bare my soul and I write everything single thing about myself. In my mind writing him letters is helping him to understand me more but I am sure God has other reasons for me writing them. It’s crazy but sometimes I write to him when I miss him (I haven’t met him yet and I have no idea who or where he is) and I feel giddy (the good kind) thinking about him though I can never put a face to him.
I plan to give the letter to my HUSBAND (that means after the wedding) as part of his wedding present and I pray he might know and understand the reason why I listened to God and wrote them. God works in a mysterious way and at times we never understand why He makes us do things but in due time it will make sense.
Now, this is my own story on how I healed from my breakups, it was not easy but each time I wanted to ignore it(pain, brokenness, resentment etc) and forget, God would remind me how I prayed that He prunes me and make me more like Him. I understand we all have different healing methods but one thing I know is true healing comes with fully admitting you are broken. If you are going through a breakup or you are still mad at your ex-please pray and heal. Let go of all of the negativity and be hopeful that God heals and restores you. I chose to heal because I believe my future husband deserves the best as much as I do.
This time around I has a book which might help with courting God’s way by Myles Munroe (the one in the picture at the top). Its obviously after the HEALING PROCESSES..but I believe this book will open your mind to what builds a relationship- from friendship to marriage.
Thank you for reading..feel free to share your healing methods, they could help someone.