I am always emphasising on my self-love journey because truthfully, it is the real reason why I started this blog. It is to show people (especially young women like me) that God really is there for us, we do not always see it but He is in every single situation of our lives. I am going to talk about one of the areas I used to exclude Him in and that is my love life. I really do not think most of us include Him, mostly because we think He does not care or it’s not really His business. We kind of shut the door on Him when it comes to our relationship because we think He is not that kind of God who wants to hear about heartbreaks and crushes but believes me, He wants to hear it all. He is such a gentleman.
When I began my journey (still en route, I believe you never arrive) and started praying for my future husband, I came to a point where I found it silly to just “talk” to guys. I wanted validation and to know exactly “what we were”. I tried “going with the flow” but I would always change my mind because I knew I deserved more- I still know I deserve more. So I made the decision to start cutting off guys who I would “talk” to or entertain when I was bored. It was hard, to be honest, but I learnt to find refuge in God. It felt silly at times going to God because I had no one to talk to but it helped me to build a relationship with Him and not focus on things that disturbed my peace.
As time went on, I got to a place where I was not interested in contacting them. I began including God in my love life, watching videos and reading books about people who had included God in their love life. That is when I came across the term-waiting for God’s best. For most of my life, I never really understood the whole waiting concept- I had heard about it but never considered it. It seemed like too much work and a bit unrealistic for example waiting to kiss until your wedding day. I know right, outrageous- but right now that is where my mind is set.
I began to take a look at myself and what I deserved as a child of God. It took time to believe certain truths like that I am beautiful or that I deserve to be loved and cherished. With the examples of relationships that are around us, impulsive courtships, dysfunctional dating and “doing it for the gram”, it was quite hard to actually believe that there are Godly men out there(not guys who just go to church but men who really fear, love and obey God). I then chose to accept myself as God sees me and began to include Him in my love life. At first, I was just all over, each guy I saw I would lose my head thinking if He was the one or when he did not look my direction, I would think maybe there is something wrong with or I am ugly. I had to renew my mind daily (Romans 12 v 2) to be freed from that mentality. I had to take time and really listen to what God was saying about me rather than me rushing to think that a certain guy was sent by God. I think most girls we all get to that point where we think we have found the one and we will be quoting scripture and thanking God for someone God has not even open our eyes to.
There were also days I thought I was going to die alone because literally, no one was looking in my direction. I then began to pray for God’s will to be done, and as I was praying I questioned myself as to whether I knew His will or I was just guessing. What if God wanted me to be single for the rest of my life? I had to be ok with that because His will is better and far greater than my imagination. It was not easy coming to terms with that- I have always desired to be married and have children but I had to consider singleness as God’s will. I guess to answer me God then convicted me to write to my future husband. I do not take the wait lightly because to me, it is a way of honouring God first then my future husband. It is not easy because there are days I just sit and think- so this is it? My faith wobbles at times, I get scared at times and it is mostly because I will be looking at those around me and not God’s work in my life.
I came to realise that the wait (waiting to be found by your future husband (for the girls) or pursuing your future wife (for the guys)whilst walking in your purpose) is also not a ticket to condemn those who are not walking with you but to encourage and wait with them. However, most importantly it is to serve and honour God with your body, mind, soul and spirit. It is not easy either, in our generation of engagements and grand gestures of love, it kind of sucks being by yourself- but it is worth it. It will get hard, there will be temptations and people (family and friends) will think you are crazy, cursed or odd but if its God’s way it is the right way.
To all the people praying and waiting for their future spouses- please do not just wait but do something to improve yourself. Learn a new language, find a new hobby, travel (yes, on your own, no one will care), socialise, get to know yourself and live your life. Life does not start when you meet someone but it starts when you choose to live. Being single is not the end of the world or disease as I read somewhere- it is a season where you get to know yourself and build your relationship with God because there are no distractions. Just like any season, it passes and if God has called you to singleness-there is nothing wrong with that, Paul was single and he had an incredible relationship with God.
I believe I do not do this topic much justice, so I will link some videos which have really made me comfortable in this season and choose to learn and cling on to God’s word and promise. It is hard, yes but it is worth it. I will wait for my future husband because as much as I deserve the best, he deserves the best too.
P.S: This message does is for everyone who has been in a relationship or not.Those who are trying to renew their faith in relationships, new singles or those who have been single for a long time. It is for everyone who wants to do it God’s ways or considering it. It is hard but very possible.
The last one is a sequel of the second one to show that God is out there, looking out for us and we need to be hopeful and let Him work.