To The One Who Will Have Me.

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Dear Future Husband. I can not stop thinking about you. For the past few days, you have been on my mind constantly, which is partly why I am writing this letter. I think this is the last letter I will write you until our wedding day ( you have handwritten letters going back to 2016) and this is because I have finally let go of our destiny and left it in God’s hands. I am not going to help Him write our love story and I am not going to try and “spice” it up or take matters into my own hands- no, I am going to let Him write our love story. As you must know by now, I love writing and I am also a hopeless romantic, so you can see how tempted I am to write our love story. And if I am being honest, I have created a couple of scenarios where you are someone I have never met before. I imagine you see me from across the room and being mesmerised by my dazzling smile and wit. It will not be love at first sight (I do not believe in that) but you will not be able to forget my smile. You will keep wondering what kind of person I am and you will be prompted to pursue me. However, the more this plays in my head, the more narcissistic I sound. It is more of me having an effect on you and I do not want that. I want to be mesmerised by your gorgeous smile and wacky personality too. I want to be left with that effect and wonder who this amazing guy is. I want us to feel the same way about each other. I do not want to be the only one being adored, loved, cherished etc. I also want the same for you, I want you to be happy, feel loved and appreciated because you will be. As much as I have been thinking about you, I have also been wrestling with the idea of marriage. I realised I am not wrestling with it because I do not want it but I am not ready. I am not ready for it and I am not ready for you. I know you can not wait to meet me and I anticipate the day we will meet too but I believe God is still preparing me. He knows if we meet now, it will not go as planned. So in a way, it is good we have not met yet. I understand you can never be fully ready for marriage but knowing myself, I am not even next to thinking I might be ready. You could also not be ready for marriage and that’s ok. Which is why I am leaving our love story in God’s hands and trusting His timing. I do not want to get married because we feel we are running out of time due to the world’s standards, but to get married because we want to marry each other. I also feel my life is not at its best because I want to be able to spoil you and contribute to our lavish lifestyle. I do not want to be a taker, I have never really been one. I also want to be able to give you what you dream and hope for. To be what you have prayed and fasted for. I know I might/will not be all you wished but I know by being your wife, you must have seen your prayers answered in one way or the other. I was going through the other letters I have written for you and I realised most of them were about me helping you to understand me and get to know me better and why I might react in certain ways to certain things. So, this letter is going to be about you. First of all, I love you very much and the fact that you are my husband means I did not settle. If there is one thing you should know about me, I do not settle. I am with you and chose you because I want you to be part of my life. I want you to know that I am going to do my very best to help you to be who God has called you to be. I promise to be a teammate who challenges you and supports you. I know I can never fully make you happy, which is good because it shows our limit as human beings but best believe I will be your biggest cheerleader. I am learning to dismiss my idea of you in my head because God works in mysterious ways, for all I know I already know you. I do not want to deprive myself of knowing you fully. I want to know your fears, dislikes, likes and habits. I know we will be different in many ways, but I am looking forward to that, discovering new things and learning are some of my favourite things. I might not always enjoy it but that is part of life. I promise to hold your hand when you are scared, to be a shoulder to cry on and to hold you when you need me to. I promise to listen- not only hear you but to listen, even when you are silent. I promise to be a friend, even when I can not love you. I promise to love you when you feel less of yourself when you are insecure when you are weak and vulnerable. I promise to learn from you and be a good wife, mom and daughter to your family. I already pray for them, for God to keep them and for me to be what they pray for too. I promise to put a lot more effort into our marriage and to love you as God intends me to. I promise to consider your feelings, mental wellbeing and heart posture when making a decision and with this, I pledge my loyalty. I promise to make you smile with my random questions, silly statement, dry jokes and bursts of crazy dance routines. I promise not to trap you into being someone you are not but to enjoy the person you are. I promise to help you change and grow, but only for the better. I promise to allow myself to take off my strong black woman cape, and rest in your embrace. I promise to try the things you like and try new things with you. I promise to give you “you” time and not feel neglected or dismissed. I respect personal space so fear not, I understand. I promise to wait for you and not sabotage our destiny by settling. I promise to spoil and surprise you with trips and romantic dinners. I promise to support our family if (God forbid!) life takes another turn. I promise to kiss your handsome face each time I get (P.S there is a detailed letter amongst the handwritten ones). I promise to be patient with you and considerate. I mean all this and I pray you believe it and you will witness it with my actions. I miss you even though I don’t know you but I guess for now that is all I can do until God intends for us to meet. Be a good human being, run to God and work hard, your dreams will come true and you are doing amazing babe. I am already proud of you and I can’t wait to do life with you. So in the meantime, let us focus on our growth and chase our dreams so we can be the best for each other. Te Amo con todo mi corazón Papi. Tu Futura esposa xx P.S: Your future wife is trilingual.

15 thoughts on “To The One Who Will Have Me.”

  1. You are my inspiration, I own few web logs and rarely run out from post :). “He who controls the past commands the future. He who commands the future conquers the past.” by George Orwell.

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