My Inamorato, please note..

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Part ii: here.

Before you think of me perfect and being all you have prayed for, I am sure, please note this, I have hurt others before. Please, before you lose hope in me, I am aware of my flaws.

I know this might seem like I am trying to shy away from my wrongdoing, but don’t you see my inamorato, with you I need not be. I need only to be. To be honest, to be transparent, to be bare and to be me. I know we might be inclined to always be our best, that is human nature. We always put our best foot forward, the best version of ourselves because that is more desirable, more preferred, more accepted. Albeit with you, I can not bare but put both feet forward and believe for the best.

You see my love, with you I want to start on a clean slate but know I have a past and I am sure you do too. I am the bad guy in some of my past lovers’ stories. In one, I am the one who fell out of love first. In another, I am the one who said the hurtful words and in the other, I am the one who stopped trying. You see, my past mars my reputation to be a “good and perfect inamorata”.

Image from Pinterest.

With others I was too faithful to myself, I chose myself. I left when I saw I was no longer wanted when the situation was no longer serving me. This, my love is something I have always been able to do- walking away. I believe it is a trauma response to my abandonment issues, but I guess this is a good thing I picked from it. I pray this will be something I will not have to resort to as first instinct. I pray I walk towards you, with you and not away from you.

There are things about me you will not like, things that will irk you and at times annoy you and vice versa. I will fail you and there will be times I will choose to pick the wrong battles but do not lose hope. I pray you will have the same grace I will have for you. Forever is a long time, long enough for us to communicate, learn and experience each other. I am looking forward to it. I anticipate the day we meet. At times I wonder if I have already met you if you are waiting to pursue me or are completely oblivious of my existence. It is quite exciting, to be honest, but I will wait for you, more than the watchmen wait for sunrise.

Yours, Rudo.

Part iv: here.

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