Part iii: here.
I do not know why I chose an Italian pet name for you. I was playing around with synonyms and “inamorato” stood out. That is something you will get to know about me more in-depth. I love synonyms, one thing with so many names. Just like you, you will be a husband, son, father, brother, uncle- which are all synonyms of a man. Ok, I could be reaching here, but you get what I mean.
Ever since I started praying for you, I have prayed that you are a kind man. A man who is not only kind to people he knows or likes, but to everyone. I said kind, not nice. You see, being nice restricts you to be who people want you to be. It is almost like an act, but kindness goes a long way. It is more organic and never gets weary. I see kindness as a quality you will extend to our babies. To your son, who I pray will take after you. God-fearing, funny, empathetic, handsome.. oh my love, he will be so handsome I will be obsessed with his face. You will teach him how to treat others, to tie his shoes, to write his name, to shave, to ask girls out in a respectable manner and how to be intentional.
Image from Pinterest.
I know you will teach him to be in touch with his feelings, to cry and realise he is a human being first before he is a man. I trust you will be there to hold him when he cries, read to him, kiss him goodnight, wipe tears from his face when his heart gets broken and tell him you love him every chance you get. I know to most this might seem as unmanly things, but knowing you my love, these things will reassure him of how loved and wanted he is, even when he turns grey and forget our faces.
I know you will be there to welcome them into the world. The same way you will be present during their conception. I know on both occasions you will be consumed with so much love, time will have no meaning. I know you will never see spending time with him as babysitting, you can never babysit your child, it is not a chore. I am already jealous of the days when you will take him out and go on you “dates”. To the park, to the movies, to the gym, just the two of you spending time together.
You will be our daughter’s first love and you will set a tone of how she is to be treated. I know you will adore her and you will be a girl dad. I trust you will be the first example of a man she sees who is in touch with his emotions. She will have you wrapped around her little finger. As she grows, I know she might use it against me, but please remember, we are a team. Baby, I know you will probably fall prey to her beautiful eyes and will want to give in. Please, be strong. Look away or even run when she tries that because she will. I see you doing her hair, which is why I think you should practise on mine first, or maybe you already know how to do hair. I see you having tea parties with her, listening to her and never dismissing her, taking naps with her as you wrap your arms around her, the same way you do in your heart. I see you arguing when she starts becoming a woman but do not lose hope. She will do this with me and her brother too, the only one she might not argue or hate will be the dog.
I know this will frustrate you, but I need you to understand that she will be having a hard time too. She will be starting to understand and getting a hold of her emotions because of her hormones. There will be days when she will lose to them, those will be the days she will not want to go to the movies with you, not laugh at your jokes and she might even tell you how your outfit look like you are going through a midlife crisis a bit too late. She will be lethal, but know she still loves you. You might also see these traits in me when its that time of the month.
I am not making excuses for us but at times we might not even realise we are being horrid or what triggered us to cry watching a video of puppies. I need you to extend the same grace to her as you extend to me when she goes through that. I just thought to give you a heads up, because you might doubt her love for you. Please do not.
May we resort to other forms of punishment when disciplining them. We will not beat them and tell them we are doing so because we love them. Please, let us not do that. I do not want them to grow up thinking love hurts. I never want them to think someone beats them or is aggressive towards them because they love them. Remember, our love is kind, patient, does not envy, is not arrogant or rude.
Albeit, can I be honest with you for a minute? I am scared. As much as I am excited to bring life into the world, I am terrified. Do you know black women are more likely to die from child birth than any other race? We are more likely to not receive prenatal and postnatal care. Of course, I trust that God will see us through, but my love, I am still scared. I hope you understand how this gift might also come with casualties. I pray you fully understand the importance of your extra presence, support, foot massages, reassurance, gentleness and protection during these times. I do not know if we will have one of each, twins, triplets or through adoption. Regardless, I will love the fully, loudly and clumsily but I am not in a hurry to meet them yet, I hope you are not too.
I hope I do not sound horrible but I am going to be selfish with you for about 2- 3 years before we plan on bringing them into the world. I want you all to myself, to know you, experience you, enjoy you, discover new things with you and just be with you.