Part iv: here.
This is the last letter I am writing to you. I know I said this before but I mean it this time. This is the last letter I am writing before I meet you. I know the last letters were filled with my hopes, wishes, past mistakes and dreams of having a happy family. I have been praying this aligns with what you have been praying for too.
In this letter, I have a request. I need you to promise me something. When the time comes and you happen to come across this letter, please, do not manipulate this information to win my heart. I know it might seem like I have given you the key to my heart, but I have not. These are just basic things. Maybe by the time we meet, I might have changed. Maybe I will not be in the same mindset that I am in at the moment. So, what I am asking is for you to be yourself. Bring both feet in so I can see you for who you are.
Please, do not fake your way into my life. It will not last. I am a consistent person (well, unless if it’s writing but I am working on that), how I start is how I finish. I say what I mean and mean what I say. As much as I am a sucker for words, action moves me more. It might take me time to utter the 3 words which bring joy to most hearts. You see, I do not believe in love at first sight. I think love is too great a thing to be consumed at first glance. I believe you grow to love, the way they talk, they laugh, you might even grow to love the things you do not like. I am not a cynic but I just think its much greater than that. Which is why I am learning to grow in love with myself so I can pour into you as you pour into me when the time comes.
Love is something that has been engraved into my core, even my name is a testimony of it. I have been a clown for it, but I know with you, I can never be ashamed to show it to its full capacity. I know I will be safe with you.
I will leave you the letter I wrote to you 2 years ago here, for you to see my consistency in this matter. There will be times I will not know what I want or contradict myself, I am working progress but with you I am certain.
I have also visited the possibility of dying before I meet you. With everything that is going on and also life is unpredictable, I have left room for it. I am always aware I might die today. I am quite practical at times, prefer facing reality in most cases. Which is why at times I tell myself I may never meet you but at least I know I am capable of love. Capable of feeling and translating and projecting it in my stories. It is a sad world we live in, but I am glad I got the opportunity to write this to you.
Until we meet or not..
You are loved.