My first collaboration of the year with the amazing, talented and beautiful Bolaji Gelax! She is also a Nigerian actor, blogger, TV host who enjoys playing devil’s advocate on her blog.
I have always been ashamed of the number of exes I have had. In my almost three decades, I have had four boyfriends, a cancelled one and two pretend date.￼￼ so, that’s basically… Never mind, you do the math yourself!￼
But my shameful days are long gone and in that place, I now feel gratitude for the experiences with every single one of them.￼ I now feel grateful for the experiences with every single one of them. Like why wouldn’t I? For one, I have more than enough takes to share on my blog…*Wink*
Okay, a bit of a serious note though, these are boys/men that I took my time to weigh my opinions, maybe even prayed about before seeing used to. These are people with whom I shared memories (pleasant and otherwise) and peoples sons I did life with for that period of time￼￼. He’s fine African men that have groomed me (knowingly or not), and with whom, I discovered a little bit more about myself.
Yes they may be that one who in retrospect, I know I could have made a better decision will never dated, but hey, isnt that what life is all about? Making mistakes and learning from them or moving on. These are men that I loved cared about, prayed for/with, kissed, cuddled, exchanged gifts, balanced ideas and all of the good stuff people do in a relationship. Heck, many of my most daring adventures have either been with, for or about in ex. And here, in my world, we don’t focus on regret, just the lessons or the lack of it.
The truth is, life happens to all of this. And the elements of that “life” are people, accidents, heartbreaks, break ups, ￼et ce tero. Why then should want to focus his/her energy on heating in X because, “they broke my heart” or￼ ” they betrayed me”? Isn’t that you giving them way too much power over your life?￼
” To forgive used to sit in prison is free and discovered that the prison I was you.” ~ Lewis B Smedes.
Why remain stuck up on an ex who most likely has moved on and forgotten whatever atrocity they may have committed, and deprive yourself of a heart which is light enough to express love and life again?￼￼ You see, I may understand if you want to get back at your ex because of how terrible they treated you like going to disrupt the wedding or snitching on them (which I’m not totally in support of by the way, just say), but why get so hung up on the hate that you let yourself get sunk in the pit of hatred and the quest for vengeance?
It hurts, I know but can you try to move on, for seek. Please! Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me saying you shouldn’t speak your truth, heck I recently called out to my cancelled ex. I’m only asking you not to shut your heart to loving again. And should you genuinely choose not to love “romantically closing cards again, be sure that decision is not from the police of hate or fear.￼￼
An adage in Yoruba says, ” Bi a ba diju ki eni buruku koja, titi ti eni rere ma fi koja, ko ni mo.”
Meaning: if you shut your eyes with the bad to pass, you may not know when the good will pass by too.￼￼
Do you bruised ex, please, let bygones be bygones.Ex the ex that exed you, and move on the next!￼
If you enjoyed this, be sure to read my piece Exes and Lessons, on her blog.
Do not for get to support her work on here and enjoy her part of the world.